Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
