I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Are we still banned from the library?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
