she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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