theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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