I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
