from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
