One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
