My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
