I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
