Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
