Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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