I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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