The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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