Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
