those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
