Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
