last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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