How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
