It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
