Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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