Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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