wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
