I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
