I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
