he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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