Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
