The maid of honor just puked.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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