As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
