Me too!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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