he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
