stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
