I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
