Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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