How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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