i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
