now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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