Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
