You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
