I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
