We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
