how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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