There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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