if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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