So drunk its hurt
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
