you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
