u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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