I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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