he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
