Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
