i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
