mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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