It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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